Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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