Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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