i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
