Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so let's talk penis.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
