I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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