And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
