I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
