Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's shark week go big or go home
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
