I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
