Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
