She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
