We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He passed out mid-signature
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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