note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
