I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's even glitter on my cock...
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