I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
