so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
