I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
