remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
