Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
