im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
