Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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