He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
