Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
