finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
