i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
