He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
