Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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