You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
