Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
