garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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