I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
