she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
