Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
