you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
