So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
