So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
