he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
