On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Watching her eat just hurts me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
