You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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