i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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