the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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