How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he's single and there are thong briefs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
