bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
