If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
