whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
