Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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