doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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