i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
