he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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