is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
