I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
