I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
