i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
