Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
