dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
