I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
